Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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