He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
