She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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