just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
