i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
