All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
