You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
