If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
