I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
