At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize