Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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