So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize