WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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