whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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