Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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