I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
