Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
