You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
