Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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