I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
