The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
