Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
