if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize