I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
