if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
