My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
