hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
