So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
