The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
