even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
