Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
