Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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