for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
