Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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