he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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