So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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