I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
