also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
