You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize