I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize