She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
