Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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