just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
