just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
