good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
