So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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