I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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