i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
