Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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