Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
