my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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