***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
