I heard we made out
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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