Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize