believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
