so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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