you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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