Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
