fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
