i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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