Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
