my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
