Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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