hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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