I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
