wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
