youre lurking in front of me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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