apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
