my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
