Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
