So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize