I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
