is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize