Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
