New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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