Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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