While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize