I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
