Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
