my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
