so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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