The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize