I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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