I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
