his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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