Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
