i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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