dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
