we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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