then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
