I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just high enough for therapy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
