Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
