In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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